Since starting my doctorate program, I have reflected on different life choices and the reasons for making them. I left Texas to pursue my master's degree for myself. I wanted to grow as an individual and I knew leaving Texas and leaving my comfort zone would help me develop into a more confident and resilient individual. It was definitely a life-changing and life-altering experience that I needed at the moment of my life. I engaged in multiple levels of diversity work and difficult conversations I would not have otherwise received in Texas, at least not in the way I experienced it in Vermont. However, I knew I wanted to come back to Texas. I missed my family, I missed my state, and I missed my comfort zone. I came back a transformed person ready to transform Texas! So the decision to get my master's was for myself.
Today, I am done with year one of my doctoral program and am once again I am being pushed out of my comfort zone, this time it is my academic skills - comprehension, analytics, writing, etc. I thought I knew it all. I struggled so much this first year. I struggled to find a rhythm to my writing, to find a pattern to my reading, and to find my lens. What was I looking for in the readings? Why is my lens on these readings important? How do I process these readings to make sense of them in terms of my research and experiences? Imposter syndrome was so real. I never experienced imposter syndrome to this extent. I mean, as a first-generation college student I made it through my undergraduate degree. My master's experience was difficult but I made it through that too. So, I was sure to make it through this program with flying colors.
This new blog is going to be about practicing my writing and making sense of the things happening around me. They say that if you do not like reading or writing, then a doctoral program is not for you. It is not that you will not be able to understand the material, it is more about the amount of reading and writing one will undertake to complete a doctorate degree. Luckily, I like both. For me, the challenge is staying committed and empowered to push through the amount of reading and writing without succumbing to bad voices in my head telling me to stop.
I am a former migrant farmworker student. I traveled with my family to the fields of North Dakota and Minnesota for about 15-18 years of my life. I worked alongside my family for 8 years in the sugar beet and soybeans of Minnesota, and one year of detasseling corn in Illinois. I know first hand the lessons of hard work, the pain of callused hands, and annoyance of mud, grasshoppers, and mosquitos. I decided to return to school for my PhD because I still have the undying passion to give voice to the children and families who harvest our food. Most importantly, I want to explore the significant role parents and family members play in the college choice process for many first-generation college students, like migrant farmworker students. My master's degree was for myself, but this PhD is for the voiceless migrants all over our nation.
So, if you are interested in going back to school, whether it is an associates degree, a bachelors degree, a second bachelors degree, a masters degree, a second masters degree, a third masters! Or a PhD, find your purpose first. It is what will help keep you burning the midnight oil.
Thank you for reading my blog, and I hope you are able to get something out of it, even if its an example of 'bad writing'. My hope in writing this blog is to share my thoughts, my experiences, and also to improve my writing for the ultimate dissertation.
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